Jessica Ainscough: Thank You For Living Your Truth

  • Posted by Jamie|
  • on March 24th, 2015|

Today, I’m writing on behalf of a friend, a friend who recently passed away from cancer. Jessica Ainscough was someone whom I found truly inspiring and I always will.

Since Jess passed away, I have pondered on what Jess’s life reflected to me.

I wasn’t extremely close to Jess, although she was someone I called a friend. I had the odd phone call and meet up. I got to spend a few nights over certain holiday periods with her and her partner, Tallon.

What I saw in Jess was such authenticity; she was so real and straight forward. It was a breath of fresh air to engage with someone like that. Someone that was honest and brave enough to be herself.

This is what I feel made Jess’ life so inspiring. She was so brave in the way she chose to live life her way. She wasn’t influenced by what the world told her could happen with regards to her cancer, instead she choose her own true path. This made her different.

When she was diagnosed with cancer, Jess was told she would have to have her arm amputated in hopes of getting rid of the cancer. Jess decided that wasn’t going to be her path. Instead, she found other ways to live on that resonated with her.

Most people would have caved then and there, especially almost seven years ago when the possibilities for other options—whether it be natural or not—weren’t as well-known as they are today.

This was the beginning of not only a life-changing direction for Jess, but a change in awareness that would affect thousands of people beyond her.

The Wellness Warrior was born. Jess started to share her story as she dived into the unknown and trusted in herself regardless of the possible outcomes—one of them death.

Would you be willing to live your life based on what felt true regardless of certain possibilities? Can you stand in your truth, trust in yourself without needing a guarantee from life?

Because Jess stood in her truth, she definitely has given permission to others to do the same. She was kind, brave, and true of herself. This, to me, is way more important than the details of how she chose to venture along in her journey.

I know, since her passing, people have spoken out about natural healing and the outcome Jess has experienced. My response to those who are looking to justify their own beliefs on what is right or wrong is simple: Shut up and be brave enough to live your life your way, just like Jess did.

The only reason I believe we look to justify our beliefs is because we want proof that what we choose to believe is the right thing, or the right way. Why? So we can then feel safe about our beliefs. In truth, if anyone is looking to their life or others’ lives to justify their beliefs in any capacity, just looking to feel safe and secure about living…

Well, I’ve come to experience you will never find what you are looking for. If you think you feel safe and secure because of what you see in life, it will only be felt temporarily. Soon, life will throw you a curve ball and rattle your cage again. It will have you questioning and conflicting in your own mind.

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To find our freedom and truly experience living, we must be brave enough to experience life in our own way, not just talk about what we know, but live from the feeling. The part of us that is not influenced by our stories, our free will.

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Weeks before Jess passed, I had my last phone conversation with her. We were talking about her journey and what she had come to realise. One thing she mentioned which I found so profound was this:

Jess said that she realized it was never up to her. She had no control. Ultimately, that had given her freedom to let things just be whatever they may be.

So, in the end, she dropped it all. Even thinking it was her controlling the way forward. Jess explored all options to her healing and was open to all the possibilities. Although a part of Jess had now realised her own freedom within the path she had taken, her body didn’t experience that same fate.

That one thing Jess shared with me really rang true to me. It’s something I had been experiencing in many ways in my own life. There have been many points in recent years where I have given in to thinking I am in control of my life by thinking there was a certain way to living.

At those points, I have seen that it is very freeing to let go and allow myself to journey into life without knowing what’s ahead but trusting there is a greater story unfolding that I only need experience and take step by step.

Although I’m also aware of what I’ve been through to get to that point of ‘allowing’ and ‘accepting’, at times it has felt like a part of me was dying. It got terrifying and extremely uncomfortable. But, after enough times of going through it, things just changed. Who I was, who I am now being seem to have just shifted by itself.

I can’t say I’ve had cancer, or been in fear of losing my life. I’ve had times when I wanted to end my life. However, for whatever reason, that isn’t part of my story.

I now know I’m free to live and be myself, sounds simple, but truly knowing and experiencing this is worlds apart. There are many people out there that don’t have cancer or are in any type of story that may be causing them to face such fear. Although, those people are living with way more fear than Jess ever did. I was once one of them.

I used to live with a fear born within my own mind. That fear had me caged in. I was confined to my thoughts, my stories, and my circumstances. I was stripped of belief and closed of to the possibilities.

The result was that I would search for a way of life that would take that fear away. I would then place power in thinking there was a certain way of life, a certain set of rules, that if followed would free me. The truth couldn’t be more opposite.

What a world it would be if we dropped all the ideas, concepts, and thinking that separated us and had us living in fear. All of that which makes us think there is one way to live that is better or worse than another, and instead realized we are all here for the same thing.

To have our own experiences, without judgement, of what it means to be human. To taste, smell, hear, see and touch life in our own unique way. To live freely, fearlessly and willingly to whatever our own experience may be because in truly knowing ourselves, we come to realise that who we are is much more than simply being human. In knowing this truth, experiencing being human then becomes such an amazing gift in itself.

Jessica Ainscough

I know Jess came to realise she was much more than her story, her body. If you feel the same truth, then you will know that Jess is always with us.

The day after Jess passed, I wrote this for her:

My mind would challenge this, but my heart knows it to be true.

For this morning I watched the most beautiful sunrise, and I felt you.

I walked along the beach, and you were there within the wind that brushed upon my face and moved through my fingers.

Then as I surfed each wave, within each moment of courage and freedom, again I felt you.

I know now that you and all those we love live on. They move through us, with us and are always part of us.

No one is ever just their body. Oh, my god! You are so much more!

You are in all things, in every form. To not see this, to not feel this would mean to be confined to the prison of my own limited mind

In truth, there are no limits. Love is all there is, without separation, never missing, always present.

Love, of course, is who you are, because that is who I am, and hence why we could never be apart. Together as one, forever

So I won’t grieve you. I will honour you. I will celebrate you, for all that you are, for all that you showed me in being who you truly are.

Thank you. I love you

For a beautiful friend, and inspiring soul that left her body. May she not be lost, but remembered and felt for who she truly is and always will be.

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