Why I Paid for Love

  • Posted by Jamie|
  • on October 9th, 2014|

Do you believe love is free? Well, if it is who we truly are, then of course it must be free. Right?

I can tell you—hand over my heart—that the type of love I’m talking about, the limitless love we already are and have, is not free.

The part of me that used to think love should be free is the same part of me that would avoid doing what’s true for me out of fear: My ego.

My ego will use the belief that love should be free to stop me from moving through the limitations it placed upon me.

You see: I came to realise that true love was not free when it cost me in ways that have shredded the very belief in who I thought I was. Only then, when it had cost me in the many ways it has shredded me, could I then come to realise and experience myself as the love I already am.

I don’t even have words right now to explain the ways in which it has cost me. The easiest way, though, was paying for it financially through my own mentors. The hardest was trying to avoid paying for it financially and instead paying for it through life lessons in which I would just get lost in at times.

I’m writing this today because, last night, this question was asked of some of my clients. Firstly, people would respond with: “Yes, of course, love is free! It’s who we are.”

I’m not saying that isn’t true. But, as I went deeper along my own journey, I showed up for only what I love. I made decisions based on what I felt was moving me. Sometimes, there was no logic to these decisions. Many times, in the story, it involved me facing my greatest fears.

In those experiences, as I moved through my own limitations by not trying to fix, change, or improve on what I was experiencing, I paid for the love I would come to experience on the other side.

I have also come to realise that is why some of us deserve love and others do not. It’s not that I’m deciding who is deserving and who is not. It’s just obvious in what some of us would rather live for. Some would rather accept the illusion over discovering the truth.

We accept the love we think we deserve. ~Stephen Chbosky

I’m sure we all want to know ourselves as love. Who wouldn’t want to set themselves free and experience life without limitation? Who wouldn’t want to love without fear of rejection, to be totally vulnerable because you know you are only loving yourself?

The only difference is that some are willing to pay for it, and some just aren’t.

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