I love the journey. I love getting to know myself more and more. With each new experience, I become a truer, more authentic, and better version of me.

To do this, though, I have to be willing to be totally honest with myself. I have to be prepared to see the parts of me that are not so discernible. Doing this requires being open to direct, truthful, and honest feedback.

So, when I step into the morning meetings at Be Free People with Amir Zoghi and Ghazalah Lowe, I know that, sometimes, I’m going to be shown more of who I really am, and who I’m really not.

Today was no exception. I got a mirror placed in front of me and then jammed up to my face just to make sure I could see what I was choosing to avoid seeing.

As I said, I love this journey. Part of the love gets expressed through connecting with others. I love connecting with the people who also want to truly know themselves. The only problem is: Before I can truly support anyone from the depth I would wish, I have to be honest and willing enough to go there within myself.

Sure! I feel that, over the past years, I have gone there and really showed up. But, the growth and expansion never stops. I always find myself overlooking new cliff tops and having to take that step off and over the edge.

The things that bring me to these cliff tops are in my mind. If I stay open and present with where I am, then I get to observe what has led me to be standing there, standing upon that cliff with the ground beneath me.

I like to fly, though. So, I like to feel the possibilities within me and believe I can let them lose and trust in myself, in my heart, and the freedom that comes with following my feelings. Refusing to leap off that cliff will only leave me standing there with limitations, standing there and not realizing that, maybe if I leap, I will experience flight rather than falling.

In today’s meeting, I got to see how trying to be somewhere I’m not and doing what I can to build myself up to feel secure and safe in the story was actually keeping me limited.

I love sharing my journey through my blogs and this site. However, at the same time, my ego, my identity, has found a great way to create a back-up plan, for those just-in-case situations. I noticed how a little fear had created a whole strategy and placed power outside  me.

If I can get my brand, my website, my following, if I can be a star, then I will feel safe. I will have arrived at where I wanted to be rather than just being here.

With this attitude, I’m actually missing out on integrating who I truly am at a deeper level. My attention is out there. I have lost myself in the doing of life rather than letting the doing unfold through me.

If I am to support people at a deeper level, if I am to be known for who I truly am, then my true self, my infinite self, must seek out the depth of that connection. My ego will never arrive at the depths I truly wish to go. My ego’s power is in my life, my thoughts, and my fears. That is not who I am.

Realizing all this has brought up a lot of emotion. Even as I write, I still feel those charges rising within me.

Bring it on! I open my heart to the places where I have hidden myself: behind my thoughts, behind my pain.

Where I go from here, who knows? Who cares? As long as I know I am here: raw, vulnerable, and honest to this moment, I know I’ll find me.

 

Image credit: peshkova / 123RF Stock Photo

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Tags: acceptance, authentic, being, belief, connect, ego, Empowerment, freedom, INSPIRATION, letting go, limitlessliving, truth, waking up, wholehearted

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