I’ll feel so excited when I start my new job… 

I’ll be so happy when I lose weight…

Looking forward to finally relaxing on that holiday… 

I can’t wait to feel in love when I meet the love of my life… 

Have you or do you ever think like this or say these words to yourself? I know in my life, at times these thoughts and words were prevalent. 

I was always looking forward to something changing in my life. With that change, I was expecting to finally feel something I didn’t have or felt I lacked at that moment. Or get away from the discomfort of where I was at in my life at the time.

So for me, a change was always a good thing. Or was it?

Life itself is full of constant change, and life is energy in motion. A constant flux of movement.

When I’m here and now I can feel this movement, I feel as though I am part of it. At these times I also notice I don’t need anything to change as I feel open to it all. Open to the happiness or sadness of this moment for what ever it may be.

At other times when I wasn’t in the here and now, present to this moment, I was instead having a thought about another moment. Usually because I felt I needed to attain something from a future moment or avoid something from the present or a past moment.

As I did this I become invested in my life needing to change. I was a sucker for the techniques, tool and steps to have this change I needed.

I could feel the stress and at times the anxiety as I felt this undercurrent of hope for another moment when finally I would feel the very thing I was lacking or free of something I no longer wanted to feel.

Further more I noticed that I put so much weight on my life needing to change that I really struggled to enjoy this moment. This moment became more so a battleground for my resistance to feeling how I felt about the judgments I’d made about where I was or wasn’t at in my life.

This then had me doubt what I felt was next. My sense of direction was clouded entirely with confusion. 

Then one day I asked myself a question, “How would I feel if things didn’t need to change?”

Suddenly I felt emotional and vulnerable. This didn’t scare me or have me think something was wrong. I realised how much my life needing to change was a complete avoidance of what I wasn’t allowing myself to feel.

This was such a light bulb moment because I also then realised why even when I did make things change in my life, the same emotions would arise within new circumstances.

So it wasn’t the circumstances that ever needed to change; nothing required to change at all. I only had to embrace how I was feeling within myself without judgment. Otherwise, the power was always outside of me in my life circumstances needing to change so I then felt something like free, happy, etc.

This kept me feeling like I had to control everything if I was ever going to be free and even when I did have my life in balance, I was worried about losing control one day. At times I would finally have things in balance, but there was a fear that it could all fall apart at some point and I’d be a mess. 

I didn’t want to live like this, and I didn’t want change to be a good thing, I wanted to change to be something that just was because regardless of change I was already good.

I noticed how limited my life was because of the change I would always be waiting for. Whether it was in my health, relationships or finances. It was always about those areas changing in some way before I would give my self permission to act on something or simply be myself.

For instance with my finances I would always tell myself that when I got that next project, I would then be able to pay my debts or get something I’d love to have. So instead of deciding to pay for it, I was waiting for my financial circumstances to change. Hence then why I was always at the mercy of my financial circumstances.

The opposite of this was deciding to pay for something regardless and then I would notice the opportunities arise in which I would then pay for things. Soon enough I didn’t need even to see the possibilities, and things were just getting paid because I had decided to pay them. Life felt more in flow instead of constant worry.

Rather than feeling insecure by thinking my financial security was in my circumstances I felt secure within myself and watched that be reflected through my financial circumstances.

Or in my relationships, I would notice that I would feel lonely at times because I would think of how I would feel if I was to be with someone. I would feel like I was then lacking in love. I then noticed how this made me continuously look for the one. 

The opposite of this was when I embraced being lonely I started to feel ok in being alone. Not just ok but even in love with being alone, feeling love for no reason. Then I would notice how relationships would find me with a fantastic connection, already reflecting the connection I had with myself.

These were just two examples I noticed, but in so many places the feeling I was looking to obtain through the change I found was always actually here and now. I then felt free to embrace and enjoy the movement of life. 

A change was no longer a good thing. It is now a fantastic play of possibilities regardless of whether I see it as good or bad. For me, this was a whole new level of freedom.

So what are you waiting for to change in your life before you allow yourself to feel something or give yourself permission to do something you’d love?

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Tags: change, freedom, limitless, limitlessliving, love, mindfulness, truth

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